It’s Just One of Those Days…

Posted on March 9, 2011 by


There is a saying that the only abnormal day is when the improbable does not happen. In that case, today was a very normal day. First, Stanford made national headlines for an academic scandal when it was discovered that student-athletes had an exclusive list of easy classes to help them boost their G.P.A.’s. By most most standards, this affair seems insignificant; however, a minor incident at Stanford is equivalent to a major one at any other school. For instance, a program like Ohio State not only gives athletes the easiest classes but they give easier versions of the tests (see: Maurice Clarett). Speaking of the Buckeyes, Jim Tressel finally received a sanction for his blatant disregard for NCAA rules and professional ethics. Tressel in his sweater vest is like the priests who molested alter boys: if you wear the uniform, then it is all ok. No, Coach, it is not acceptable to mislead NCAA investigators, cover up scandals and rape any sense of integrity in the program. Every year there is some sort of scandal at Ohio State and Tressel acts oblivious to it ( Do you really believe he was unaware of Maurice Clarett’s oral exams? Look at the fine players he produced:

(Although, I am glad Ohio State came down hard on Tressel: A whole two game suspension against the mighty powers of Akron and Toledo. That really sends a message for him to clean up his act.)

In the world of lacrosse things were even more normal. Brown lost to Hartford in lacrosse 8-6 despite another Parker Brown goal and four more from Andrew Feinberg of Tahoe Tournament Fame. Hartford is barely a D-1 lacrosse team and they play in West Hartford. It is one thing if Brown had to play in Hoodford because white kids visiting that city do not farewell both athletically as evidenced by Trinity Football’s Home Winning Streak and literally as shown by the vast crime rate. Nevertheless, West Hartford is one of the softest suburbs in Connecticut and Connecticut has some soft suburbs i.e. Darien and Greenwich. In fact, the only athletes Hartford University produces are strippers at the Gold Club. Therefore, Brown’s only shot at redemption is to go to the Gold Club and make it absolutely rain on the Hartford Ho’s because at the end of the day, money talks and says Brown>Hartford U.

Cornell and Canisius faced off in a game that featured former SI lacrosse teammates, midfielder Roy Lang and goalkeeper Kyle “Bizzle” Bell. This episode of the Roy Lang Show saw the host bring some sense back to the world as he fired in two goals and was helped by six assists from Cornell’s premiere attackman Rob Pannell to lead Cornell to a 14-7 victory. Kyle Bell played well in the second half and made four saves to keep the score respectable.

Finally, this former Serra Padre caps off this bear of a day by showing us how not to go dumb.